Yesterday Was Pearl Harbor Day . . .
This post is not about Pearl Harbor.
It's about December 7th, a date which will live in infamy . . . personal infamy.
I did get on the scale yesterday. It wasn't pretty. In fact, I'm back to my all-time high - and this time it was naked and empty on the scale, not clothed in a doctor's office.
It is what it is. I'm not pounding on myself, I'm just moving forward the best way I know how. And, for me, for the majority of my life, that's been Weight Watchers.
My first exposure to WW was when I was in Junior High School and my mom was on the program. I couldn't help but lose weight along with her. I remember the days of liver once a week, and boiling doing tomato juice to make ketchup - and man, an on-program dinner back then was a block of frozen turbot with paprika sprinkled on top. I had instructions to get it in the oven by a certain time so it would be ready for dinner when my mom got home from work.
I joined once on my own, in high school - I went in another town and I wore a wig. I was a high school student . . . I joined again when I was was in my early 30s and that's when I was really successful, losing 51 pounds and getting to goal. I was a leader - a popular one. And then things fell apart in my life and, you know, sometimes when really difficult stuff happens, it's all you can do to put one foot in front of the other.
I don't want to sound like I'm a victim - I'm not. My choices were/are my own and I take responsibility for them. I mean, nobody else was putting food in my mouth.
I left the program two years ago when "Beyond the Scale" was announced with its SmartPoints. Having been "married" to PointsPlus for many, many years, I did not handle the change well. I found SmartPoints to be extremely difficult and very punitive in how it treated sugar and saturated far, even as I knew these changes reflected current nutritional science. But the changes were - to me - so extreme that I left the program altogether. I couldn't take failing every single day. And I really thought I could do it better by myself.
Well, we all know how that turned out - I mean I've been whining about the size of my ass for years and not making any truly consistent, sustainable progress. Alrighty then . . .
No need to comment - this is where I find myself. Again. I'm not freaked out, it is what it is. Taken yesterday morning by my trainer, at the club, at 5:30. In the morning. This is how my post-menopausal body rolls out of bed. It's the gym, people :-D I specifically mention post-menopausal because like many women of a certain age, I never had an apple shape. Until now. I was always curvy, and I always had a wide ass, but I never had a belly before. It's bothersome, but again, it is what it is.
Hey - did you see what I did back there a couple paragraphs? Consistent. Sustainable. I could be talking about my African violets. But I'm not. Two years ago when I left the WW program, I thought I could do this on my own. I clearly could not. Weight Watchers has always given me the structure that seems to keep me safe somehow. It's like the points structure is a safety cage around me, allowing me to work within that safe framework. I have to tell you that it feels really good to be back. I'm only two days in and already I feel more relaxed - like I know what to do. The Points framework gives me that feeling of capability
Nearly two years ago, in January 2016, I wrote the following. It bears repeating:
It's about December 7th, a date which will live in infamy . . . personal infamy.
I did get on the scale yesterday. It wasn't pretty. In fact, I'm back to my all-time high - and this time it was naked and empty on the scale, not clothed in a doctor's office.
It is what it is. I'm not pounding on myself, I'm just moving forward the best way I know how. And, for me, for the majority of my life, that's been Weight Watchers.
My first exposure to WW was when I was in Junior High School and my mom was on the program. I couldn't help but lose weight along with her. I remember the days of liver once a week, and boiling doing tomato juice to make ketchup - and man, an on-program dinner back then was a block of frozen turbot with paprika sprinkled on top. I had instructions to get it in the oven by a certain time so it would be ready for dinner when my mom got home from work.
I joined once on my own, in high school - I went in another town and I wore a wig. I was a high school student . . . I joined again when I was was in my early 30s and that's when I was really successful, losing 51 pounds and getting to goal. I was a leader - a popular one. And then things fell apart in my life and, you know, sometimes when really difficult stuff happens, it's all you can do to put one foot in front of the other.
I don't want to sound like I'm a victim - I'm not. My choices were/are my own and I take responsibility for them. I mean, nobody else was putting food in my mouth.
I left the program two years ago when "Beyond the Scale" was announced with its SmartPoints. Having been "married" to PointsPlus for many, many years, I did not handle the change well. I found SmartPoints to be extremely difficult and very punitive in how it treated sugar and saturated far, even as I knew these changes reflected current nutritional science. But the changes were - to me - so extreme that I left the program altogether. I couldn't take failing every single day. And I really thought I could do it better by myself.
Well, we all know how that turned out - I mean I've been whining about the size of my ass for years and not making any truly consistent, sustainable progress. Alrighty then . . .
No need to comment - this is where I find myself. Again. I'm not freaked out, it is what it is. Taken yesterday morning by my trainer, at the club, at 5:30. In the morning. This is how my post-menopausal body rolls out of bed. It's the gym, people :-D I specifically mention post-menopausal because like many women of a certain age, I never had an apple shape. Until now. I was always curvy, and I always had a wide ass, but I never had a belly before. It's bothersome, but again, it is what it is.
Hey - did you see what I did back there a couple paragraphs? Consistent. Sustainable. I could be talking about my African violets. But I'm not. Two years ago when I left the WW program, I thought I could do this on my own. I clearly could not. Weight Watchers has always given me the structure that seems to keep me safe somehow. It's like the points structure is a safety cage around me, allowing me to work within that safe framework. I have to tell you that it feels really good to be back. I'm only two days in and already I feel more relaxed - like I know what to do. The Points framework gives me that feeling of capability
Nearly two years ago, in January 2016, I wrote the following. It bears repeating:
I honor my body where it is. Right now - because wherever I’m going I’m going there in this body. Larger or smaller, it’s the same body. It took me a really long time to figure that out. We only get one body, and this body - this body that I have right now - no matter what size it happens to be - is amazing and wonderful and it got me as far as I am today. My long, sturdy legs keep moving me forward one step at a time.
Am I ever going to weigh 134 pounds on my 5’ 8” small-boned frame again? I suppose it’s not likely, but I loved that version of my body and I’m headed toward it - and the version of my body that I have NOW is the one that’s going to take me there. It gets all my love and support!
Whether I actually get to that specific number again doesn’t seem to matter quite so much any more - I will get close. And, however far along the path I get, this body - the one I have now - will be the one transforming itself along the way, because … it’s the same body :-)
I am one with the wind and sky . . .
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Janice H.