Odds and Ends . . .

Odds . . .

I don't think I mentioned that in October I had a crown that acted up.  It was quite painful for about a week - and then it calmed itself down.  I saw my dentist in early November, and he took an x-ray and said that there was some questionable shadowing, but that he wasn't sure and that probably I should see an endodontist.  Since it had calmed itself down, I declined. 

How stupid am I?

Of course, the pain reared its ugly head over the holidays.  Christmas Eve night I slept very little from the pain, but finally it calmed and seemed better by morning.  By Christmas night, however, I knew that I needed to check in with my dentist.  One of the great things about having had a dentist for like 20 years, is that you sort of become friends.  I figured he was out of town, but just in case, I texted him Christmas night, told him what was going on, and that I needed to get in to see him as soon as he returned.  He reiterated that I probably needed to see an endodontist.  I said I would text in the morning, that I wanted to see how I felt then.  

Clearly, I am stupid.  (OMG.  Dental anxiety is ridiculous.)

But I did text yesterday morning, and - bless him - he texted right back and gave me the name and number of one of the endodontists he refers to, Dr. Terrence Tolwin.  I called Dr. Tolwin's office as soon as I got in to the office.  Happily, they took my insurance (a Christmas miracle in and of itself), and they could see me at 2 o'clock.  

The long story short is that the tooth under the crown was abscessed and I had to have a root canal yesterday at that 2 o'clock appointment.  Looking at the x-ray, it looked to me like the infection had spread pretty far into the bone - his nurse, Beth, told me later that had I waited another few weeks my jaw would likely have started to swell up.  Since I had waited since October, I was really kicking myself.  It would have been better all around if I had listened to my dentist back in November . . . so it goes.  I paid for my stupidity and fear with tooth pain over the holidays.  Ugh.  

Root canal therapy is faster than it was 20 years ago, but no less traumatic.  The doc cleaned the infection and the dying nerve out of my tooth (according to the nurse, this looks like grapefruit pulp - I'm really glad I didn't see it).  This really stirred stuff up in there, and he told me I would hurt today.  He was right.  Then he put antibiotic packing into the tooth to help clear the infection and gave me a temporary filling to keep everything where it belongs.

In addition, I have some 800mg ibuprofen to take - they really do help - and I also have horse-pill size amoxicillin pills that I have to take twice a day for seven days.  Beth the nurse said I'm going to start feeling better in a few more days once I have enough of the antibiotic in my system. If I still hurt a lot after the six ibuprofen they gave me to take home, I've been given the go-ahead to buy some Advil and keep going if necessary.  It's close to six hours since I took one this morning.  I will not be waiting for eight.  At the moment, I'm mostly tired and sore.  This is not fun, but I've been assured that it's normal after this kind of a procedure.

Speaking of tired - I haven't had much energy for awhile.  Now I know why - an infection that I didn't know I had.  I suppose the z-pac I had to take a few weeks ago might have helped some, but there's been an infection in my tooth and jaw for awhile now.  No wonder I've been not quite myself.  But I will heal from this and keep moving forward.  I always do.

Ends . . . 

As this year and decade is winding down, I wanted to talk further about 2020 being the best year of my life. One of the things I made a decision about recently, is working through a book with my friend, T.  It's one of the late Debbie Ford's books:  The Best Year of Your Life: Dream It, Plan It, Live It.  She created a companion, year-long course through the Daily Om, and T and I are both signing up for that, too, on January 1st.  It's a weekly email, so it's not like we'll be in school for a year.  :-)  

I know I've said this before and I have been working on things for awhile now, but it's increasingly clear that what I have been doing either isn't enough or is not the stuff I should be doing.  I have changes to make, both physically and spiritually.  Working through a book like this is what I call soul work.  Soul work opens doors and brings clarity where before there was darkness and confusion - or, in my case, blinders and continuing to do things over and over again in ways that obviously no longer serve me.  Starting things over and over but never getting anywhere . . . finding my rhythm only to lose it again.  I don't know what I signed up for in this life - but clearly, it involved a lot of physical pain and a lot of stumbling around in the dark ;-)   

A former friend once told me that I had been seeking for the entire time we were friends.  To her, that was a bad thing.  It also meant to her that I apparently didn't have what she called a personal relationship with Jesus.  Um . . .  first of all, seeking to me is one of the most important things in life.  Seeking to learn something new, seeking how best to take of myself (granted, I'm not the best at this one, but I continue to stumble along the path), seeking joy and purpose in how I live my life every day.  These are awesome things!  Seriously - I think part of the reason we are here is to seek and learn and find, and in the process grow into ourselves.  Second, my personal relationship with Jesus is exactly that.  Personal.  It's not up for debate or discussion, and just because I seek does not mean that I'm clueless.  

And so, I roll on into 2020 doing what I think will probably be some of the most important soul work that I have ever undertaken.  I will be retreating again to the Isle of Iona at some point next fall.  I have a lot of work to do before then, but I believe that all shall be well.  

"My heart is old, it holds my memories
My body burns a gemlike flame
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine
Is where I find myself again"