Field Report from The Summer of Stillness . . .

I have found myself a bit stuck these days even as I've begun to build a sort of new routine for myself. 

I'm guessing I am not alone in this - particularly if you're like me:  retired early with a fabulous summer plan . . .  

Yeah, not so much.  Instead of a summer of fun, it's a summer of stillness, and certainly not what I had planned.  What's that saying? 

Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht 

It's Yiddish for "Man Plans, and God Laughs."

In the past few weeks I've had some revelations as I live through this time of COVID-19, so I thought it was time for a Field Report.  The last Field Report was on 31 Dec 2019.  Who had any inkling how much our world would change in a few short months?

The World . . .

I've been putting things off and living as though life will "go back to normal" soon.  But I don't think that anymore.  I don't think our lives are going to look anything like they used to for a very long time.  The lack of national leadership (despite the very recent backpedaling we are seeing) made this pandemic far worse in this country than it had to be - particularly the politicizing of the wearing of face masks, which is so unutterably stupid that I am speechless as to how so many in this country actually are stupid enough to have refused to wear them. 

But wait, tell us how you really feel, A.  Yeah, I'm not pulling any punches this morning.  I'm angry and I'm worried.  The moron in the White House has already made it clear that he will not give up the White House in November without a fight, which makes it all the more critical that those of us who want him out do everything in our power to get out the vote and to aid Joe Biden in his campaign. 

Here is something I found that I can do to help get out the vote.  It's called Postcards to Swing States.  I just ordered 300 postcards that I will write by hand and send in October.  The only cost is the 35 cent postage for each card.  I ordered postcard stamps today.  They are pretty!  I should have my cards in about 3 weeks.  I'll be writing like mad once they get here.  If you're interested, I chose Message B.

And here is something I found that I can do to aid Joe Biden:  Put my money where my mouth is.  You can donate some money to his campaign.  It doesn't have to be a lot. 

Health . . .

Since life as I knew it doesn't seem to exist anymore, and since there's no guarantee that it will come back any time soon, I'm doing my best to figure out how to live my best life in the midst of a global pandemic.  I know - it sounds dorky.  Oh well. 

I'm going downtown on Monday to get a follow up CT for my lungs.  A couple of years ago they found a spot (turned out to be two spots) on my lung during a kidney CT.  They've never changed shape or size, which makes it unlikely that they are anything bad.  Here's what my asthma doc said to me about them:  "we live in a huge city - you probably inhaled a tiny piece of glass."  Even more likely:  I was on a camel in the Sahara Desert in the middle of a sandstorm.  Even in a Bedouin headdress and face covering, I probably inhaled and swallowed enough sand to completely exfoliate my entire digestive tract.  So, now I get a CT of my lungs annually.  And it's time to get it. 

I'm not all that excited about going downtown, but I'm going.  I'm not taking the train, however.  I'm driving down.  This gives me more control over my space.  My doctor has assured me that the hospital has taken every safety precaution.  So that will be done.  And I will see my dentist in early August.  Since COVID-19 numbers are rising here in Chicagoland I decided I should pull myself together and get these important things accomplished in case things get worse again this fall.

I get a walk in when I can, but not often enough.  I wear a disposable mask every time.  I did meet with my trainer last Thursday and we had an outdoor workout, which was really quite great.  I had to cancel today, though, because I'm having to take an antibiotic at the moment which could make me photosensitive.  Having experienced that once before, I'd like to avoid it happening again, so staying out of the bright sun for the next few days is my plan. 

:::knocking wood:::  My kidneys are fine.  I'm really working on getting my water in and lowering my sodium.  At the beginning of the pandemic I was all over the place with both, and I know that that's not OK for me, so I'm on it. 

And, all the sitting around has not helped the size of my ass . . . but I'm on that, too.  I was reminded of an app called Cronometer that the dietitian from last year's kidney stone medical study had recommended to me.  I re-downloaded it and have been using it pretty successfully.  It's still a tracker, but it's daily-based, and not surrounded by diet culture.  It's been helpful.

Mid-Year Review

The intentions I wrote at the end of December 2019 for 2020 follow - I thought a mid-year review was in order.  My progress is in italics:

• It is my intention to make 2020 the best year of my life (thus far!). Well . . . I'm doing my best to make this strange year the best year of my life thus far.  It's not easy but I'm hanging in, because you never know what tomorrow might bring . . . ;-)
  
• It is my intention to take the best care of myself that I can and stabilize my health.  It's been in fits and starts, but I do feel like I'm making progress even though the scale went up in the first months of the pandemic.  I keep moving forward the best I can.
  
• It is my intention to truly begin the return to a weight that is healthy for my height and build. See the previous bullet. I am on this path and although it might not be quick, I am moving forward to a health BMI.
  
• It is my intention to bring my lunch to work a minimum of four days a week.  Well . . . I think I did pretty well with this, and then I made the decision to retire early!  So Yay Me!  Thanks to the pandemic, ALL my lunches are from/at home  :-D
  
• It is my intention to keep my sodium in check at under 2,000mg/day.  Again, some stumbles early on in the pandemic, but I'm definitely doing better with this now.
  
• It is my intention to get my calcium up where it needs to be by drinking a glass of flax milk at as many meals as possible.  I could be doing better with this one  ;-)
  

Life in General . . .

I'm writing Morning Pages again.  Not daily, but usually at least a couple of times a week.  I continue to find them helpful.

I continue to have telehealth meetings with my therapist and they are really, really helpful. There is a substantial amount of dysfunction in my extended family, and a young cousin (to whom I was not close - her branch of the family is estranged from the rest of us) died a few days ago at the age of 40.  This brought some of the dysfunction to the fore for me as well as some old and painful childhood memories.  Working with the help of my therapist I am remembering things that are important and learning things that are freeing in many ways.  In the past it's been challenging for this perfectionist to let go of things that are (1) none of my business; (2) not about me; and (3) out of my control.  I sometimes unconsciously hold on to "rules" of the past that no longer serve me, and it's always miraculous and amazing to me that I can still learn and still move forward.  Life truly does go on. 

One of my cousins found this the other day and she bought us both prints of it.  I think it will be my mantra going forward.  I'm about to frame it.

Creativity . . .

Super excited to share that I passed my beginner certification for my circular sock machine!!  Wheeeee!!!  I just found out a couple of days ago  :-)  I'm looking forward to taking the Intermediate course when it's available.  The certification left me with a lot of scraps of sock yarn, so I decided to knit Northeasterly. 

It's knit in strips.  I'm just starting on the third strip.  I'm making a wrap/shawl.  Here is my progress!

Embracing Hope . . .

J lives in a southern state where things are spiraling out of control.  The likelihood of us physically seeing each other any time soon is so far out of the realm of possible that it's laughable.  He remains healthy - wearing a mask to work every day - and for that I'm grateful.  But I miss him.  Skype is just not the same as being with someone.  And so I hope that he continues to remain healthy and that we will see each other again. 

And I hold one of my oldest and dearest friends in the Light of Hope as she copes with painful life transitions for members of her family.  There is hope in light, energy, and prayers - all of which I send her - even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment . . .

And I embrace the hope that a vaccine will be found soon for this brutal and cruel virus that has us at a standstill. 

And I embrace the hope that we will make it through the nightmare we have been living for the past four years as we have watched our republic begin to crumble and slide into the flames.  The hope that the November election will see Joe Biden take the reins, that the House will remain Democratic, and that the Senate will become a Democratic majority again so that we can begin to rebuild our country in a new and even better way.

Onward . . .