It's Been Quite a Year . . .

On Wednesday the 3rd of this month it was a year since I left the firm and retired early.  I chronicled that day here, if you want to relive it with me.  This is the photo I took that day as soon as I was outside and on my way to the train at 12:30.  

I was so excited.  So happy.  And so ready for a wonderful retirement.  I had big plans!  Going to the health club every day!  Heading down to Florida to spend some quality time with J!  Driving up the Eastern Seaboard to visit and explore on my way up to Connecticut and hopefully some time on Cape Cod!  Driving back home!  Driving across the country!  Heading to the Napa valley to visit Linda the Chicken Lady!  Heading to the coast to drive south on the Pacific Coast Highway!  Seeing a ton of National Parks!  And that was just for the summer!!

What's the saying?  

 

I had big plans alright - and absolutely no idea that instead of a summer of fun, I was about to spend a year at home.  Alone.

I remember very clearly - and this is how I generally describe it - that I had one great week of retirement, and then the world went sideways.  I did go to the club every weekday from the 4th to the 11th.  It was great.  

The last day I went downtown on the train was March 12, 2020.  I had three appointments that day.  We were already starting to hear that we should probably only be going out for essential things.  And we weren't wearing masks - only gloves at that time.  Since it took me three months to get an appointment with my dermatologist, I had decided that that was essential.  So I went downtown and saw the dermatologist, then walked south back into the Loop to meet with my financial advisor - also essential since I had just retired.  I remember thinking that the Loop was pretty dead for a Thursday, and being surprised that it was so much emptier in only about a week's time.  

Leaving my financial adviser, I found myself heading east on Monroe Street and I thought, "Hot Dog!!  I can go to lunch at the Italian Village!!"  There are three restaurants there and I love The Village, which is upstairs.  It's one of my favorite places and I was really excited to go - for about 30 seconds, when I recalled that I heard on the news that probably we shouldn't really be going to restaurants.  

Bummer.  So I nixed that plan and walked up the block to Pret a Manger to get a wrap, some chips, and a real Coke to go.  I was the only person in there.  It was a chilly day, but I walked across the street to the old First National Bank Plaza to sit by the Chagall Four Seasons mosaic, which is a favorite of mine, and ate my lunch.  Then I went to the foot doctor - also essential - and then got on the train and headed home.  

I got home in time to hear what I think was one of the very first of what became our governor's daily COVID briefings.  Mayor Lightfoot (the mayor of Chicago), was with him, and since they aren't each other's biggest fan, this seemed significant to me.  Governor Pritzker said that the state was shutting down at the end of the next day for two weeks in an effort to get ahead of this novel corona virus that no one knew all that much about . . . and then Mayor Lightfoot announced that all three of the St. Patrick's Day parades were cancelled.  They would have taken place on that Saturday (Chicago has its St. Pat's parades the Saturday before March 17th).  It sounds funny, but when I heard that I knew things must really be serious for Chicago to cancel St. Pat's. 

I started seeing my therapist again in July that summer.  We meet via telehealth - on the phone.  I had thought I was doing really well with being home, but by July I wasn't and it was a relief to be able to talk to him.  He pointed out that leaving my job - even though it was my choice - was a significant loss.  I had never thought of it that way before, but he was right.  It was a loss.  I mean, I went to work every day there for almost 16 years.  It was a loss of daily social contact - routine - purpose - focus - regular exercise - income.  I believe in the old custom of a year of mourning after someone dies although I don't call it that.  I think of it more as "the year of firsts."  And although someone hadn't died, I realized leaving my job really had been a huge loss for me.  

Which brings me to this week.  

I made it through the year of firsts after leaving my job - in the middle of a pandemic.  

Nothing happened how I thought it would nor how I had planned it, but I made it, and I've gotten the first half of my vaccine.  I spoke with a former colleague earlier this week and she said sometimes she feels like I just left.  Sometimes it feels like that to me, too - probably because I've been home for a year, and with no new catalogue of memories from what would have been a summer of fun, the days just sort of melt into each other.  I mean, seriously, the biggest excitement until I got my first shot was having oral surgery and that wasn't very fun.  At all.  Some days the time compresses to where I feel like I could get up, get on the train, toddle across the Loop, take the elevator up, sit down at my desk, open my email, and start pounding it out - like I'd only had a 3-day weekend.  Funny, huh?

It's been quite a year - that's for sure - but I think the most important thing for me is that I have never regretted my decision to leave.  Not once.  I worked in the same place for almost 16 years and 14 of them were wonderful.  The last two were brutal and my decision to walk my fine ass out the door was a bold and smart one.  I have no regrets, which is how I have always tried to live my life. 

No clue how long I've had that button - but it's been a very long time and it's right there on my bulletin board where I see it every single day  :-)  

So it's been a year.  I look different, and being at home for so long hasn't been very good for the size of my fine ass, but I just keep moving forward, because really - think about the alternative . . .

I've got some hair to toss now   ;-D