Sunday, May 10, 2015

Swing Time . . .

It's Mother's Day today.  My mom has been gone for 11 years.  I'm not quite sure how time passes.  I'm definitely sure it's not linear, even though I, myself, am often linear - sometimes pedantically so, I'm afraid.  I think it's a control issue . . .  Anyway - I never celebrated Father's Day because my dad died when I was a toddler, and now that my mom has been gone so long, I find that this is just another Sunday . . . I don't reserve this day to think of her - I think of her all the time.

I thought of her a lot yesterday because I caught up with a childhood friend.  We'd had a falling out many years ago, but she stayed close to my mom.  We last saw each other at my mom's wake, 11 years ago.  Thanks to the modern marvel that is Facebook, we caught back up with each other and have been chatting there over the past six months or so.  So many things we have in common - not the least of which is a love of the fiber arts, in particular both knitting and spinning.  So yesterday we spent the day at one of my favorite places, The Fold, where we worked on C's spinning wheel (which she's decided to sell to get a newer, easier wheel), enjoyed time spent with The Fold's owner, Toni, and of course shopped a bit.  I came home with the third book in Hunter Hammersen's Knitter's Curiosity Cabinet series.  No yarn for me.  Yay!

We also went to lunch and talked - in fact, we talked so long that they locked us in the joint  :-D  We did manage to leave before they actually tossed us out.  We talked mostly about our families and our lives in the many years since we'd been in real touch.  And we talked about our moms.

This is my favorite photo of my mom. I wrote the following two years ago on FB:  "She was a true original - far ahead of her time. The true matriarch of the clan - and all my friends (and my cousins' friends) adored her. She lived every day of her life with joy and purpose, and I just cannot believe it's nine years that she is gone."

She was a second mom to my friend, C.   As mentioned, they stayed close throughout the years.  I'm really glad they did.  My mom was very fond of C, and I know my mom made a great difference in C's life.  Plus, it allowed us to reconnect all these years later.

There is something comforting about someone who has known you a very long time - even in this case where we were out of touch for decades.  We slipped easily back into the comfort of shared experience and friendship.  The threads were not difficult to pick up and knit back together.  It was a day well spent in the company of an old friend.  And it was exactly what I needed.

I have been caught up so tightly in the web of construction.  The good news is that it's done now. It's been done since May 1st.  Oh, there have been a few punch list things that were done in the last week, and there are a couple of remaining bits, but three months of construction is over.  I love everything.

Why am I showing you this?  Because in the past, that pond in the yard after a storm always equated to a soggy mess in the basement.  Not anymore.

And the bathroom is done (except that the shower head will be changed out this week and I still haven't decided on a picture for that frame).

This side of the kitchen is now done, too - and I really really love having that open space on the center bank of shelves.

And on Friday I managed to get everything out of the staging area that is rightfully my dining room.  I even dusted my mom's crystal chandelier.  The living room is close to being normal again.

A lot of this stuff is already put away and I'm getting all the remaining stuff on the kitchen bar put away today (hey, I had to move the lingering stuff out of the dining room and it had to go somewhere while I made some decisions about it :-D).

So yeah - I do love everything - but I had no earthly idea that the process of giving large parts of my space a facelift would completely deconstruct me.  Deconstruct me in ways that I would never have thought possible.

Oh. My. God.  I am not kidding.

I have been completely discombobulated by three months of complete and total chaos.  Old habits. Old coping mechanisms.  Old patterns.  They all came roaring back with a vengeance.  I don't really understand it - and pretty much all I could do was stand back and watch myself train wreck. And now, like the old song says, I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and starting all over again.  It's uphill at the moment.

I had a phenomenal contractor.  I adore him and his crew.  They were absolutely wonderful, but I apparently am a creature of true habit.  I need structure in my life and when I don't have it, all hell breaks loose.  My sleep was not good.  Food has not been good (Crap - construction is fattening  :-S  Did I already mention that?).  Most days I look like I've been rode hard and put away wet. It's not a good look for me.  Seriously, it's a good thing I have a job where people don't really see me much.  . . .  I'm really at the end of my rope - one of my friends called it Decision Fatigue.  All I've done for the past three months is make decisions and try to keep it together while my home was being torn apart.

Well, it hasn't been cupcakes, but food has been really really difficult. I mean, really, I used to say that I might as well have just slapped it all on my ass, except now I have completely different (and not particularly attractive) body shape - so I might just have well slapped it around my middle.  Blech  :-P

But the construction is done.  It's done.  All that remains is for me to take ahold of the pile of crap that's left in its wake, clean it up, and make some sense of it all.

I've been making efforts for the past couple of weeks to get myself back on track.  I've not been fully successful, but I'm making progress.  I took a day on Friday and worked in the house, which was a very smart plan.  I was able to get a LOT accomplished, particularly in the dining room (as you can see above).  I took another full carload to the Second Chance Shop.  I know, it's disturbing that I STILL have stuff to get rid of . . .

And yesterday was the first day I have felt like a human again.  I got out of the house for something other than work or errands and spent a wonderful afternoon.  Things are looking up, and I'm looking forward to feeling the results of my efforts . . .

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