I've made it through two weeks of
being back on program. I continue to feel like this is one of the best
things I could have done for myself.
I missed my yoga
last weekend. I'd like to blame that on out of town company, but that's
really no excuse. I could have done it on Sunday afternoon and I just
didn't. I didn't get much pipe practice in either this week - and it
certainly showed in my lesson on Wednesday night :-S
steps were down a bit, and I didn't log as many Activity Points as I
did the first week, but it's not often that I get a 15,000 step day in
like I did in Week 1.
I had an "Aha" moment last
weekend at my meeting that I have taken to heart this week. Every week
there is what I call - for lack of a better term - a Weekly Reader
(remember those?!). I used to get the meeting room weekly reader and
look through it, read the exercise, look at the recipe, check out the
tips, and then put it away - or toss it. Last Saturday, a woman in my
meeting said that she had really worked with the exercise and answered
the questions - and from what I could tell, it pretty much informed her
whole week and kept her on task.
Well, isn't that interesting? She actually used one of the tools that WW gives us every week in the meeting room . . . I made a decision there and then that I was going to use every
tool that WW gives me to be successful. I'm not going to just read it,
or think about it, I'm going to do/use/practice it.
yeah, I got cracking right away with the exercise in last week's weekly
reader as soon as I got home from my meeting. I actually wrote out my
answers to the questions. It was all about what my choice (lose or
maintain) was going to be for the holiday season and how I was going to
achieve it - and OMG we are IN the Holiday Season, my friends. It's in
full swing already.
And then, I happened to re-watch Dr. Brene Brown's
two Oprah Master Class episodes last Sunday, and she said something
that that really resonated with me and completely dovetailed with the
choice I had made the day before. She was talking about gratitude and
how one had to make it a practice. Not just thinking about it, but
actually practicing it, meaning actually writing out the three (or
however many you want) things you are grateful for every day/night, not
just thinking about them. Practicing in the truest sense of the word,
which Webster's defines thus (as a noun): "the actual application or
use of an idea, belief, or method as opposed to theories about such
application or use."
I'm actually using the tools I have from WW.
So, a wakeup call in the meeting
room, and Brene Brown. Hard to argue with either one. And BTW, if you
have never seen her June 2010 TED talk called The Power of Vulnerability, click that link. It takes about 20 minutes to watch. It's life-altering. I'm not kidding.
My friend, C, left on Sunday, and my friend, Linda the Chicken Lady,
arrived on Wednesday with her dog, Hannah. She's staying with me for a
few weeks, and it's very nice to have her and Hannah Dog at the house.
Plus, she telecommutes pretty much all the time, which means she's home
a lot. She offered to cook dinners!! And she's well aware of the
journey I'm on, so she's totally down with weighing and measuring things
for me so I can track points easily. How awesome is that?!
A friend of mine unfriended me on Facebook sometime in the last couple of days. It's not someone I am particularly close to any longer, but it was someone I have known for more than 35 years. I guess this person didn't appreciate my positive focus and ability to disagree clearly but respectfully.
Truth be told, this person has always been an Eeyore kind of a person - a glass half empty kind of a person - a stick in the mud kind of a person - and a person who needs to be right at all costs. So, really, no great loss. I mean, who needs that, right? Right? And yet . . .
Did they not know that they could remain friends with me but "unfollow" me if they didn't want to read what I have to to say and share? Did they know that my feelings would be hurt? Did they care? Or did they just say "cram it clownie" and walk away. I'll probably never know, and really, it's that not knowing that's the hardest part.
Ah, closure. Or in this case, no closure. Yeah, not having that makes it kinda hard to let go of stuff. And yet, we have to let go of stuff in order to be able to move forward - and there's the rub. It's a life lesson that has presented itself to me over and over again, I mean, I've certainly written about this more than once here. Here is what it boils down to: I can sit and stew in my righteous anger and let everything else pass me by, or I can let go and keep moving forward.
Yeah - I can only stew for so long. So, I learned how to do it - I don't always do it brilliantly, and it's often a little messy. I don't always do it immediately, and sometimes (OK, a lot of times) I have to do it more than once (hey, practice makes perfect ;-) ). But I learned how to keep moving forward.
I bet you want to know how. :-)
I will tell you!
Many years ago at Fourth Presbyterian Church, where I used to sing in the Evening Choir, I heard a sermon. There are a lot of ministers at that church because it's a really large congregation. One was a woman. Her name was Linda Loving (and isn't that just the best name ever for a minister?! :-) ). The upshot of what she said, lo these many years ago, was that in order to move forward, we had to stop clutching at and holding on to the past - we had to open our hands and release what we were holding on to, so that our hands would be open and free to catch all the good stuff that was coming to us. It was so powerful and so important for me at that time in my life that I have never, ever forgotten it.
Do this: hold your hands out in front of you, palms up, and make tight fists. Look at them. Then release and open your hands. Look at them again. Really look at them. I'm telling you - it's powerful.
When I pop up in my own mind's eye in a baseball hat and a mitt, I know there's something I need to release. I'm wearing one of my baseball hats, and I have a catcher's mitt on, and there is amazing and wonderful stuff falling like snow from the sky. Like little post-it notes fluttering down from on high. But they aren't sticking to me, and I can't catch them because my hands are not open - they are filled with the past. All I have to do is open my mitt to release what I've been holding on to . . .
It's not always as easy, but it's always profound, and there is always a great sense of relief. And along with the relief comes a feeling of joy, because now my hands are open and I'm free to decide which of those amazing things floating down from the sky to catch first.
Holding on to pain/grudges/anger/fear/loss/betrayal/control . . . Wishing the other person would get their comeuppance . . . These things don't serve me, and even though I sometimes fantasize about said comeuppance (who doesn't?) or the perfect retort hours after the fact (why on earth am I so fricking slow on the uptake?!), I feel my feelings. And when I've wallowed long enough, I put my baseball hat on . . . and open my hands.
of my best friends told me that I seemed much happier almost
immediately this week. I guess I really do need structure to feel
safe. I know what I'm doing - I can count the points. Tracking has
always been something that makes me feel safe somehow - like I'm
following the rules, I guess :-) I do know that everything seems much
easier somehow, and the fact that I'm not eating added sugar again for
the most part means that almost nothing is hurting. That's a great relief.
I did not do Simple Start, which is the new name for what was, essentially, what us old-timers called CORE. WW is still stuck in the low-fat/non-fat dairy rut, and other than skim milk (which I might consider getting again because they don't count almond milk as a dairy), I'm not willing to eat such heavily processed stuff. Also - many of the meals were poultry-based, which is a no-go for me at this time. So, I dropped right back in to counting points, which gave me a framework. It really made everything much easier.
I definitely upped my steps this week. I've always striven for 10,000/day for at least five of the seven days, and I've logged more than 62,000 this week (I had one really high day of more than 15,000).
and I FINALLY did yoga last Sunday. Probably not the kind of yoga you
might do - it's a really great DVD from a woman named Peggy Cappy. It's
called Yoga for the Rest of Us. I can actually do it (except for the
major spine twists), and I like it a lot. It's only a 1 Activity Point workout, and I actually feel like that's a little high because I'm not sweating at all, but it's still a little challenging for me.
I'm entering my exercise
manually into eTools. I entered my two trainer workouts - I went low on the number of minutes and
I always choose the "low" activity level. I earned 2 activity points for
each of them. My old pedometer used to count total steps and active
steps, and that's how I used to track for activity points - by active
steps. The Fitbit doesn't do that, though, so although I could link my Fitbit with the eTools tracker, I'm choosing not to. I'm using anything OVER 10,000
steps and counting only those over steps as active steps. On the days I've
gone over, it's been about 2,000 steps and I've never gotten more than
1 activity point (except for one day when it was 5,000 and I got 3 APs, but that's an anamoly :-) ), so that seems like a pretty safe bet. Apparently
most people tend to over-estimate their exercise. I don't, so I don't
think there is much chance of my earning too many APs.
experimented with some different foods this week - and can I just tell
you that Campbell's hearty beef noodle soup is disgusting. OMG.
Blech! Ptui! Really glad I bought only one can of it. That was an eye
opener for sure. But, it's heavily processed, so I suppose I shouldn't
have been surprised. On the positive side, I'm enjoying English muffins with a little bit of butter, and a little more cheese each day than before.
I didn't have a lot of time to cook this week, and now the
month of November is a bit wild, with assorted house guests all month
long. Still, I'm moving forward and looking at recipes and seeing what I think is possible for me to make. As mentioned, I'm eating some things I wasn't allowed on The Strict Program for Three Months, and this, too, is making my life a LOT easier.
Happened to visit my asthma doc this week and my BP was 120/70, which although a little elevated (for me) on the top, is still pretty darn good.
I ate all my daily points and all my weekly points - I didn't think I would, but I did eat some snack type foods this week, so I will be more mindful of that in the coming weeks :-) I need to eat more
fruit and vegetables. This has always been a challenge for me. I
certainly ate more this week than at any time in the recent past, but I
know I will do better if I can eat more of them on a daily basis.
I think that's going to be the opening line of my memoir.
Getting on the scale was not as hard as I thought it might be. And the number could have been a lot worse. I'm a Lifetime Member (obviously not at goal). I reached Lifetime in the late 1980s and I maintained for probably close to 5 years. I was even a leader (a pretty popular one). I never really learned to maintain, however, and I've tried the program off and on since then, but continued to gain weight and yoyo up and down over the years.
I joined here in Chicagoland back in 2008. It was in April, three days after my birthday and I was three pounds under my heaviest weight (that I knew of). I spent a lot of time making excuses. I only wanted to go to a
Wednesday night meeting because I was trying to recreate my initial
success where I went to a Wednesday evening meeting and started my food
week on Thursdays. Thursday - my favorite day of the week! So, yeah,
guess what, no Wednesday night 7:30 meeting in my area. In fact, no
evening meeting anywhere that I could get to because I don't even get off
the train until around 6 p.m.
There was a Wednesday noon meeting at the Holiday Inn, just across the river, next to the Merchandise Mart. Very close to my office. I went. The leader was great! I did well for awhile and lost about 55 pounds - and then WW closed my meeting. I tried going to another office building location and it was OK for awhile - and then that leader (who was also great), left. I was forced to go to the center in the Loop - a good hike from my office. The leader was OK - a guy who, you guessed it, left (to pursue his career in theatre). A new woman took over the meeting - and she had the most horrible voice . . . I realize that sounds petty, but listening to her was like listening to my high school English teacher's clipped, nasal, old-lady voice. Needless to say, that didn't last very long.
I tried again a few years ago, and was doing pretty well. I found "my" leader from my original meeting. I remembered that she said she lived in my general area. She has the Saturday morning meetings an the center in Orland Park. Her name is Celia. She's listed on the WW website, so I think it's OK to share her name here. I didn't have my heart in the right place for some reason, and then when the dietitian put me on The Strict Program For Three Months she suggested that I stop counting points. And really, things were going so well with that, that I finally cancelled my monthly pass and went free fall without a net. And I did great. I really did.
Until I didn't any more.
And so, here I am. Again. And yet - somehow, it's OK. WW eTools still had my info from my start in 2008, so I'm 18 pounds less than that number (glad about that) and I still have access to all the recipes and data I entered. I'm going to stop fighting with WW's not-always-great technology and do the best I can. Switching my food week from Thursday-Wednesday to Saturday-Friday. No excuses this time. I'm doing what I can to set myself up for success:
Tracking: eTools. It was difficult to get my existing account relinked to eTools, but thanks to an awesome staffer at the Homewood location, I'm good to go. I'm switching my food week to start on Saturday to match with my meeting.
Excercise: I'm keeping my Fitbit and letting MyFitnessPal go because I don't need another place to track and I wasn't on MFP much anyway. I understand that Fitbit now links to WW eTools, but after my disastrous go round with ActiveLink, I'm not going to go that route. I'll track my exercise manually. I'm like the only person in the world who doesn't over estimate her exercise :-D I'm changing my Fitbit week to begin on Sunday - that's as close to Saturday as I can get. Oh well. Not something I have any control over - it's a limitation of the Fitbit software. Still meeting twice a week with my personal trainer.
Other Tools: re-downloaded the WW apps for both Apple and Android. Oh - there's also a Kitchen Companion app for Apple. I bought a couple of new WW cookbooks for quick meals, and also some vegetarian meals and I have to say that they look better than some of the older cookbooks that I had.
And so it goes. I'll be checking in every week to chronicle my progress. Wish me luck :-)
I've spent the past couple of weeks attempting to figure things out for myself. Truth be told, I do this a lot. I always have.
Spring Forward - Fall Back. I like it when Standard time returns in the fall, and I wish it did it sooner like it used to. But it happens now in November. Today. So the clock says a quarter to eight, when it's really now a quarter to seven.
It's kind of like a do-over.
I went back to Weight Watchers yesterday. I'm a Lifetime Member not at goal. I know this program works - when I work the program. When I start to get off on "customizing" stuff, that's when I get in trouble. And so, since I find myself - once again - in a place of beginning, I figured I might as well begin again with something I know is going to work.
I'm going to a meeting early on Saturday morning a couple of towns over. I'm not attempting to hide from anyone and there is a center much closer to me, but the leader I started with downtown back when I could run across the river to the Holiday Inn at lunchtime on Wednesdays (that meeting's been gone for a very long time . . . ) has the Saturday morning meetings at this center.
I did Weight Watchers back in the 80s. I was very successful with it, and I lost 50 pounds. I became a leader. A very successful one. My meetings were extremely well attended. It was a great part-time job and it helped to keep me focused - and very close to my goal weight.
I never really learned Maintenance, however, nor got it through my head that I could not go backwards with what I was eating, and that has been the crux of my continued struggle for the past 30 years in one form or another.
So this is the path I've chosen - and I'm going to chronicle it here as I do with many things. On Ravelry there is a Weight Watchers board. It's a bit quiet now, but years ago there seemed to be a preponderance of people asking for information that the rest of us were paying for by attending meetings, which I found supremely irritating. There was also a very vocal group of whiners with countless excuses. But there was one member who chose that board to chronicle her journey.
Every week she posted an update for many, many weeks. I found them uplifting and very honest. She is still there off and on. She has not made it to goal (although she's dropped about 120 pounds), but still keeps going. I admire that, and because I did find her updates so helpful at that point in my own journey, I'm going to do something similar here in the hope that it will help me, and maybe help someone else in the process. You know what they say - imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. :-)
So, there will be a weekly update post here, on Saturday or Sunday.
I'll leave you with this - as I do most years around this time. Pardon me while I go and change the clocks to start my do-over . . .