Long and Quite Possibly Interesting Only to Me . . .

So.

Here's "the rest of the story" about yesterday's short and not-so-sweet post.

I was talking with my OB/GYN this week - seriously what else is there to do while you're looking at the ceiling? ;-)  He's been my doc for more than 25 years, and even though we only see each other once a year, we always seem to have a lot to talk about when we do.  He said something very simply in passing conversation.  We were talking about the size of my ass (well, not directly) and inflammation.

I said, "It's been a lifelong struggle for me, and it just seems so unfair that I cannot eat like everyone else."

He nodded and said,  "Your body doesn't tolerate simple sugars, and it's not going to get any easier as you get older."

When I say simple sugars, I am talking about refined, processed sugars - like the kind in cupcakes and candy. I'm not talking about the naturally occurring sugars in fruits, vegetables, and other "real food" food sources.

I have spent a lifetime struggling with this.  I really would like to be able to eat sweet treats with impunity - which is what I imagine the entire rest of the world can do.  And you would think it would be a simple matter to let something go that hurts you.  Clearly that's not so - I mean there would be no greeting card industry, and popular music would be decimated if we could all let go of/break up with what hurts us in a reasonable and logical manner.

And so - after my foray into being an Ovo-Pescetarian a few years ago at the behest of my primary care doctor (well, my bloodwork numbers, actually), I stopped eating that way.  I went back to old habits because The Strict Program for Three Months was draconian, and unsustainable over the long haul.  Or so I thought. Having my kitchen be under construction for a month last year didn't help because I don't make good choices when I'm getting take out. Since I allowed sugar and highly processed foods back into daily rotation in my world, it's been a slow, painful slide down a long, slippery slope. 

And here I am again.

The black ice slip that torqued my knee a few weeks ago didn't help, but the right side of my body is in constant, low-grade pain.  Again.  Inflammation is rampant.  Again.  I'm back up to two anti-inflammatories a day.  Again.  And I'm having to ice regularly.  And I am too large.

And so, when my doc casually said, "your body doesn't tolerate simple sugars," the lightbulb went on over my head.

No makeup.  No hair (it's cold, I wear hats in the house when it's cold).  Sucky-writer-with-a-Photoshop-pen.  Try not to judge  ;-)

I really cannot tolerate simple sugars, and, as I look back over my life I have never been able to.  I have many memories from childhood surrounding digestive and intestinal issues.  Nobody knew anything about this stuff back then.  You just ate what you were given, and, unless it made you stop breathing, you stumbled along as best you could.  This is nothing new - hence the lightbulb.  It's been there for my entire like, and, apparently, it's never going to go away.  When I quit eating chocolate, lo these many years ago, it was likely the sugar that was the culprit in how I felt.

In the past two weeks I was made aware of something called Bright Line Eating.  I did not pony up nearly a grand (Really, Susan Peirce Thompson? Really???) to join Susan Peirce Thompson's "boot camp," (I'll wait for the book), but I am going to follow her blog for awhile because her process makes some sense to me. I already have "bright lines" with some behaviors, such as smoking and eating chocolate.  A bright line is a legal term that means, in essence, a line in the sand that you just don't cross.  Ever.

I used to be a smoker.  I'm not anymore.  I don't have a puff here or there.  I can't.  I don't smoke.  Period.  End of story.  I used to eat chocolate.  I don't anymore. It makes me sick and gives me horrible mood swings.  I don't eat it.  Ever.  Period.  End of story.

I have great strength when it comes to this stuff - but I (clearly) exercise it selectively where food things are concerned, and, up until now, sugar was not consistently one of those things. But now it is.  It has to be.  So I'm back to a slightly modified form of The Strict Program for Three Months.  Now you can call me a Flexitarian - that's a semi-vegetarian.  I like it  :-) And, to me, it means I'm an acolyte of Michael Pollan:

Oh! I almost forgot!  I have a new and exciting place for inflammation:  My right shoulder.  It's really The No-Fun Plan.  Attempting to get gel ice secured on my shoulder without making it hurt even worse was a painful horror show, and in the midst of it I came to another realization:  icing (not the kind you put on a cake) is obviously going to be a part of whatever is left of the rest of my life, even if I do get this inflammation under some modicum of control.   So I invested in some gear that should make that easier.

It's arriving today (thank you Amazon).

This is a very powerful meditation from Doreen Virtue about cutting cords of past and present pain.