Friday, June 10, 2016

I Keep Thinking I'm Getting Better . . .

So, as you read yesterday, my shoulder is - unfortunately - not cooperating.  And here's the thing - I keep thinking I'm getting better.  Except that, apparently, I'm not - the measurements clearly show that I'm not.  And I realized yesterday morning that, of course, there is a big part of me hoping against hope that I am getting better.  That I'm going to be perfectly fine and won't have to have surgery.

I grasp at every straw . . .

I was sure I was getting better - I raised both my arms straight up because, you know, I can do straight up!  Yay Me!!! Straight! Up!  And then I looked in the mirror - the difference between what my left arm is doing and what my right shoulder won't allow is substantial - about 5-6 inches different.  And then I slowly forced my right arm up a little more, and found myself shifting my arms out to the front slightly to get them even.  Up and out toward the front, and up and out diagonally front are the paths of least resistant for the shoulder.  I see my body compensating for its inability to match the right to the capability of the left.

I was at the club Wednesday night for a workout with my trainer - let's be clear:  it wasn't a "real" workout with weight training, it was mostly a long walk and some core work on a bench, not the floor (because getting up from the floor is dicey at the moment because I need both arms and the right doesn't currently work reliably all the time).  Anyway, I was showing him how great my straight back range is now, because, you know, I can do straight back!  Yay Me!!!  Straight! Back!  Except my right arm stops at my butt and my left zips back as though I'm flying and gliding like you did when you were a kid pretending to be an airplane or a bird on the wing . . .

I slept with a different pillow Wednesday night and had a much better night's sleep than I did on Sunday night.  Take a look:

Sunday - this was the probably the worst night I've had since this all started back in December - it was very, very bad with a lot of pain and very little sleep.


Wednesday - Still not great, but WAY better.


A better night's sleep makes a huge difference in my outlook, that's for sure, because when I work up yesterday morning I was sure I was better, because, you know, I slept better and things didn't hurt so much when I got up.  Surely I'm getting better . . .  And I did my PT and I iced for 40 minutes instead of 20 because you know 40 is twice as good as 20 where ice is concerned.  And then, as I was getting out of the shower, I had an epiphany . . .

I'm not getting better.  I think I'm getting better because I'm unconsciously and instinctively compensating - altering my posture and/or reducing my own range of motion and taking the natural paths of least resistance to avoid the pain of my shoulder not working as it should.

Bummer.

And still I think I'm getting better.  it's almost like a PT vacation is letting things settle down a little.  Last night was way better for sleep, too - I actually was dreaming again, which means I did get some restorative REM sleep (finally!). 

4 comments:

candy said...

So, did you decide to go for surgery or wait it out a while longer? I'm sure sorry your shoulder is hurting.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are having so much difficulty with your shoulder --- still after PT. As much as one does not look forward to having surgery, it may be the best thing that you can do. And yes, it is amazing how we can fool ourselves into thinking that we are doing better than we actually are. It's funny how our minds work at times.

I love the photos of your violets and streps in your previous post. It is always fun to see what's on your shelves. Only wish my plant shelves were filled with such lovelies. My AV's have pretty much gone to their Great Reward. I have some leaves down and I'm willing to try growing the AV's again. Maybe this time things will be better.

You are in my thoughts and prayers!
Janice H.

A :-) said...

Candy - yes, surgery.

A :-) said...

Janice, thank you very much, and keep your new collection small. :-) I'm hoping to get some work done this weekend - there are plants that need repotting, and I want to switch one of the shelves around