Thursday, March 8, 2012

Checking In

I should probably knock on wood, but I feel like I finally have my groove back. 

Working out in the early morning is just best for me, and I'm back up to 60 minutes on the treadmill, 4 to 5 times a week.  I feel like I've passed some invisible barrier this week, and it feels really, really good.

I was down 2.6 yesterday, and that puts me below 230 for the first time since September 2010.  That's right.  I've been playing with the same 15-20 pounds for 18 months.  There's a part of me that wants to smack myself for wasting so much time.  But the better part of me realizes that I had something to learn through all this. 

I was thinking about this the other day - It's about a year since my heels finally healed from plantar fasciitis.  I was weight training through this time, but getting back into a good cardio routine took me this long.  The fear of re-injury has never left me, and when I started to walk again, it was like 10 minutes at a time.  When I hit 40-45, I stayed there for probably six months.  I moved to to 45-50 a few months ago, and it's literally been just a few weeks that I'm back up to 60.  I plan to stay at 60.  My trainer says that 225 is the magic number for minutes of cardio in a week.  I shoot for 240 (because I suck at math and 240 is 4 times on the treadmill for an hour.  I got that covered  ;-D).

In one of the groups on Ravelry of which I'm a member, we were talking about The Biggest Loser.  It's the only reality TV that I watch, and it saddens me to see it stoop to the level of some of the other shows.  Yes, it's a competition, but in the earlier seasons there was a camaraderie that has been sorely lacking of late.  This season is as bad as the Icky Vicky and Horrible Heba season.  The majority of the people in the current cast are just plain mean.  It's not a pleasure to watch.  I don't feel inspired.  If my awesome trainer screamed and cursed at me the way Bob and Dolvett scream and curse at their teams, we would be having a serious conversation.

The concensus in the Ravelry group seems to be that the contestants are not stepping up.  There is part of me that agrees - I mean, they were the chosen few.  They had the brass ring pretty much handed to them.  They don't even have to reach for it, they just have to step up.  We think they should be succeeding and losing huge amounts each week just because they are there at the ranch.

But then, I think again, and I have to acknowledge that part of me that recognizes how hard change can be, and how frightening - and how frightening the fear of injury can be.  Many of the contestants on The Biggest Loser regain what they lost.  It's my guess that it is invariably because they didn't learn to work through their fears and they then use food for other than fuel.  Let's be real - did your mom ever say to you, "Oh, that's a nasty scrape, sweetheart.  Here, have a salad, it will make it all better."  Did she?  Mine never did, God love her.  We learn from an early age that food soothes a multitude of pain.  All sorts of pain . . .

And then I think a third time, and I recognize the excuses that the contestests are using as ones that I have used.  This past episode, the teams switched trainers, and it freaked out a number of the contestants.  One was frightened to get hurt and based all her success on Bob and didn't want to train with Dolvett.  I'm embarrassed to think how many times my Weight Watchers leader changed and I didn't like the new one, so I stopped going because "I don't like the leader" only to return after having done additional damage to myself.  I am happy to report that I have somehow managing to realize that the size of my ass is up to me, not the leader.  It's fear - fear of change, fear of injury, fear of whatever it is that holds one back.

Whatever the invisible barrier was for me - I believe I've moved past it and I'm picking up speed.  I'm going to be traveling this weekend, and I have spent hours planning food that I can bring with me (I even washed out the cooler) so that I am not at the mercy of what's put in front of me or is available at a drivethru, and I have my cardio already scheduled.  Yay Me!!

Time to be fearless. 

1 comment:

Kristyn said...

Sounds like you are on your way. Keep up the great work.